Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
