It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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