you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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