Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
