Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
