Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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