You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
