He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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