is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
