the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
