we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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