I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
