So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
