It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
