there's paper in my vomit.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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