This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
