I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
