shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
