and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
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We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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