My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
