hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
