How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
