Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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