if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
