Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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