Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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