this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
