oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize