I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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