Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
