The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
