I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
honey bunches of taint.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
