having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
