toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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