break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can't special order awesome
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
