Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
