Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
