just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
