Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
