Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
