the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
