i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
