the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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