Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
