K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ambien. No doubt about it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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