Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
