OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
