Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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