A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
