whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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