I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
