i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
