you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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