You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
