I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
