Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
