I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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