slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
