Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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