was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
