actually, I'm a sock model
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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