I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
