i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
