I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
