JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
