You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
