And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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