i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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