He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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