I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can you bring me the toilet please
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
