No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize