1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
