I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
