This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
