I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We don't watch enough power rangers
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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