Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
