Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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