So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
