My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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