Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
