Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
