Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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