Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
